i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
Randomize
