oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Randomize
