He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Randomize
