"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
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