I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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