with your own penis?
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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