what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Randomize
