imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
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