Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Randomize
