Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
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