First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Randomize
