Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize