i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
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