yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
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