If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
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