I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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