tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
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