I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Randomize
