I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
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