dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
