Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
