I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
