party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
last night I used snow as a chaser
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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