wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
Randomize
