I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Randomize
