Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
Randomize
