So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
