It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
i think im in europe. pls send help
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
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