today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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