it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
