Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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