she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Randomize
