You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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