i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
Is it because I queefed?
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
Randomize
