At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Randomize
