Fine. I'll sleep in my office
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Randomize
