I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
If I had your ass I would rule the world
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
