I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
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