i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
