We won't sleep together?
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
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