Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Randomize
