I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Randomize