So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Randomize
