on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Randomize
