you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
