I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Randomize
