The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
