Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Randomize
