i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
I have fence marks all over my body
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize