you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
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