atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
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