Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
