First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
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