I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
