if i died would you start the facebook group?
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
