so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
Randomize
