Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Randomize