I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
my poor anus
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Randomize
