I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
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