I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
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