I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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