the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
Randomize
