I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Randomize
