There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
Randomize
