i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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