its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Randomize
