I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
