went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
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