we have officially mastered the walk of shame
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
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