8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
Randomize
