naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
nutella sex= disaster
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
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