Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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