youre lurking in front of me
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
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