I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
