hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
Randomize
