He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
You need a sexual gate keeper
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
