i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
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